my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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