I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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