i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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