Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize