Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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