Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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