Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize