Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize