Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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