I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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