This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize