you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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