Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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