3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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