she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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