I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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