I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize