I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
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Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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