oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize