If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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