he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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