watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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