I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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