the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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