i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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