Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize