when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize