it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize