Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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