she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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