I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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