He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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