New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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