Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just invented taco cereal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize