my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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