I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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