if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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