She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize