True but thats because hes a fetus.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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