His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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