She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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