Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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