Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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