This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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