Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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