You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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