Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize