Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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