Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Panties = found
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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