I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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